Simple Simon here, the name suits the nature. I am a basic route one character, all be it a little wordy at times, but route one none the less.
I'm not here to educate, enlighten or enrich anybody's life (though it would be nice). I seek merely to rant...and have my say, if you choose to read it great, if you choose to comment fantastic, but I just want to have my say!!!
!!!!DISCLAIMER!!!!
1. I am racist. I don't like Blacks, Whites, Hispanics, Indians, Asians, Semites, or people of mixed heritage. I'm sorry but thats just the way it is.
Within the perimeters of this blog the word nigga and any of its derivatives (nugga, nucca, negroid etc) are not be construed as a description of colour but a description of a type of behaviour/psyche.
(Example: A Jew with a coat hanger for a TV aerial, would be described by Simple Simon as 'Naygorish')
2. I do not conform to a particular religious denomination, however you may feel from reading some of the things I may say, that I am first Christian and then second a Christianity basher. Please let me make it clear I am neither.
Please do not be offended if you read the following terms on my pages:
- Until Jesus
- In Jesus
- Since Jesus
Within the perimeters of this blog, Jesus is/was NOT a person. Jesus is however a point in time or a unit of measure.
P.s - This Disclaimer will surely grow
!!!!End of Disclaimer!!!! (For now)
Sunday 28 March 2010
1. iRant: HotDog Vs Hot Dog Roll
OK...so I know this is probably the least important thing on your mind at any one time, but I have to say it's one of those minute annoyances that is gaged just right to hack me off, but not enough for a full on public outburst. Like I said, I know there are more pressing issues that are even more annoying like Bankers bonuses or Bogus Save Our Planet commercials or the fact that Pork seems to be in everything these days. But the ratio of Hot Dog Rolls to Hot Dogs is seriously messed up!
*Lets do the math*
The minimum number of hot dogs one can buy is 6 in a pack, but you can buy hot dogs (sausages) in any of the following combinations 6,8,10,12...which is great!
The crap part comes when analyzing the natural partner of the sausage; the hot dog roll. These are strangely sold in the following multiples 6.... and here in lies the problem, if you buy an 8 pack of hot dogs, your always gonna have 2 extras sausages, if you buy a 10pack, 4 ...you get the drift. So am I right in thinking if I choose to buy an 8 or 10 pack of sausages so the children in my house can ALL have hot dogs I have to buy more bread than is actually going to be used? Essentially throwing away 2 healthy hot dog rolls? Now where is the sense in that....just pisses me off.
(Yes I know you can eat the rolls with something else....but work with me here)
Maybe I have issues......
1.1 iRant: Bankers Bonuses
What led to this point...
OK..so I won't bore you with the ins and outs of the whole banking cock up saga that saw the world (well at least the financial capitals of) up in arms last year. I won't even bother analyzing whether or not it was the bad mortgages or dodgey loans that bought about what was nearly the biggest financial collapse in history (I know I know I made it dramatic...chill out). I don't even want to query or justify the Bn's of £'s of bonuses that have magically come from 'somewhere' to be available for certain big cats to get their mitts on.
No...I want to ask why? Why is it the Bn's of £'s worth of bonuses are only going to a handful of people in a small sector of the banking industry. Why isn't Martha 'the bank clerk' getting her fair share of the bonuses? Martha managed to sell 15 low risk personal loans, introduced 6 new mortgage applications and 3 re-mortgages from rival companies. Martha is never late and in the last 4yrs has only take 2 days sick out of the statutory 20 days for that period, thats 10%...10% people!
*Lets do the math*
RBS were geared to pay £1.3bn in bonuses to 22,000 investment bankers this year, that would see each person receiving about £59,050. Now stop me if I'm wrong but isn't that like 2yrs salary for some people?
The above would mean Martha would get squat!
BUT (here is what I'm proposing)
There are about 170,000 RBS employees in the country, if the £1.3bn bonus was shared equally amongst the entire staff of the UK, Martha and everyone else would get £7,647. Now don't get me wrong that might not be a huge amount of money but on average a person in Martha's position would earn about £20K annually, so that 7g is like a 38% bonus! Thats more than decent to me...
Now you might think 'What about the investment banker', I would say, this is supposed to be a democracy (when it suits the powers that be) and by that assessment 'Majority Rules'....there are more bank clerks than investment bankers...so I guess the IB's need to console themselves with the 3qtr mill salaries they already earn...?
*sigh* and irant...
OK..so I won't bore you with the ins and outs of the whole banking cock up saga that saw the world (well at least the financial capitals of) up in arms last year. I won't even bother analyzing whether or not it was the bad mortgages or dodgey loans that bought about what was nearly the biggest financial collapse in history (I know I know I made it dramatic...chill out). I don't even want to query or justify the Bn's of £'s of bonuses that have magically come from 'somewhere' to be available for certain big cats to get their mitts on.
No...I want to ask why? Why is it the Bn's of £'s worth of bonuses are only going to a handful of people in a small sector of the banking industry. Why isn't Martha 'the bank clerk' getting her fair share of the bonuses? Martha managed to sell 15 low risk personal loans, introduced 6 new mortgage applications and 3 re-mortgages from rival companies. Martha is never late and in the last 4yrs has only take 2 days sick out of the statutory 20 days for that period, thats 10%...10% people!
*Lets do the math*
RBS were geared to pay £1.3bn in bonuses to 22,000 investment bankers this year, that would see each person receiving about £59,050. Now stop me if I'm wrong but isn't that like 2yrs salary for some people?
The above would mean Martha would get squat!
BUT (here is what I'm proposing)
There are about 170,000 RBS employees in the country, if the £1.3bn bonus was shared equally amongst the entire staff of the UK, Martha and everyone else would get £7,647. Now don't get me wrong that might not be a huge amount of money but on average a person in Martha's position would earn about £20K annually, so that 7g is like a 38% bonus! Thats more than decent to me...
Now you might think 'What about the investment banker', I would say, this is supposed to be a democracy (when it suits the powers that be) and by that assessment 'Majority Rules'....there are more bank clerks than investment bankers...so I guess the IB's need to console themselves with the 3qtr mill salaries they already earn...?
*sigh* and irant...
1.2 iRant: Bogus save the planet commercials
What led to this point...
Ok...so I'm sitting at home relaxing and committing the mortal sin of having the TV on at what I like to call the 'receptive hour'. For those of you not in-sync with that description here is brief -
'The receptive hour'
- Is the time when you're conscious but not necessarily at the height of your mental abilities...kinda like your brain is working, but it isn't 'working' if you get what I mean? Its kinda like your most vulnerable time of any day, a time where the silliest suggestions actually get some brain processing time. So what would normally register as a sack of excrement to your fully functioning brain, is actually being considered (even mildly) by this less sophisticated version of your cerebral self.
The receptive hour is normally at night, late at night and you normally know when the time is because 1 of 2 things happen
1. Party Political Broadcasts (Election campaigning normally)adverts come on or
2. Laughable environmental 'save our planet' adverts grace your screen!
Whats wrong with that you say?
On the surface I would probably agree with you, but then I can't help but ask, "Why the hell are they showing this at this time of night? Is the environment only important at night? Do voters only watch TV in the twilights?".
I think the truth is, 'they' know you are at your most vulnerable when you're sleepy and so will use this time to sell you non-sense, I mean take for instance the 'save the trees' campaign I heard the other night:
"The world is changing, carbon emissions are damaging our atmosphere and more and more of our planets species are becoming extinct. 'What can you do?' Give just £2 a month to help stop deforestation in the developing world and give our children a chance"
BullSHIT! I'm sorry but how can me giving £2 a month stop trees from being cut down...? Surely if you turn the fu@%ing chainsaws off, save the extra fuel from the trucks and diggers that would decrease some of the the carbon emissions that are "damaging our atmosphere" and stop you trying to mug me off at 3am!
Funny thing is before I got to this opinion I was nearly sold...I guess bullshit marketing at the 'receptive hour' is a powerful marketing tool.
And still irant...
Ok...so I'm sitting at home relaxing and committing the mortal sin of having the TV on at what I like to call the 'receptive hour'. For those of you not in-sync with that description here is brief -
'The receptive hour'
- Is the time when you're conscious but not necessarily at the height of your mental abilities...kinda like your brain is working, but it isn't 'working' if you get what I mean? Its kinda like your most vulnerable time of any day, a time where the silliest suggestions actually get some brain processing time. So what would normally register as a sack of excrement to your fully functioning brain, is actually being considered (even mildly) by this less sophisticated version of your cerebral self.
The receptive hour is normally at night, late at night and you normally know when the time is because 1 of 2 things happen
1. Party Political Broadcasts (Election campaigning normally)adverts come on or
2. Laughable environmental 'save our planet' adverts grace your screen!
Whats wrong with that you say?
On the surface I would probably agree with you, but then I can't help but ask, "Why the hell are they showing this at this time of night? Is the environment only important at night? Do voters only watch TV in the twilights?".
I think the truth is, 'they' know you are at your most vulnerable when you're sleepy and so will use this time to sell you non-sense, I mean take for instance the 'save the trees' campaign I heard the other night:
"The world is changing, carbon emissions are damaging our atmosphere and more and more of our planets species are becoming extinct. 'What can you do?' Give just £2 a month to help stop deforestation in the developing world and give our children a chance"
BullSHIT! I'm sorry but how can me giving £2 a month stop trees from being cut down...? Surely if you turn the fu@%ing chainsaws off, save the extra fuel from the trucks and diggers that would decrease some of the the carbon emissions that are "damaging our atmosphere" and stop you trying to mug me off at 3am!
Funny thing is before I got to this opinion I was nearly sold...I guess bullshit marketing at the 'receptive hour' is a powerful marketing tool.
And still irant...
1.3 iRant: Pork seems to be in everything
What led to this point...
Ok...so I don't eat pork (I'm steadily noticing every single post is starting with "Ok...so"...i'm just sayin') if people want to 'dine on the swine' I have not one issue with it...really I don't. Dine to your delight, fill your chuffers with the split huffed meat, it bothers me none, thats your choice.
Therein lies the bloody problem though, pork as an ingredient is becoming less and less of a choice and more and more of a default option. "Pork with your cream crackers sir".
Gone are the days when you actually have to specifically ask for pork, now you get it in sweets, other meats, in preservatives...in dam near everything.
I once ordered a Tuna steak, the description on the menu tantilised my palette and opened up my appetite almost immediately. It came, looking absolutely scrumptious...upon closer inspection, the Tuna steak was garnished with some diced cubes lightly fried and very pink! No surprises then that I didn't eat it, but I did naively question the waitress
Me: "Erm excuse me, what are these pink cubes so liberally scattered all over this plate?"
Waitress: "That is the 'Chorizo' sir"
Me: "I'm sorry what is Chorizo by its nature I'm not familiar with it, is it a herb or a meat"
Waitress: "Its Pork sir"
Now initially I wanted to flip out and ask the most sensible question (to me) which was 'Why the hell would you garnish a Tuna steak with PORK!', but then some very quick mental arithmetic saw me admit to myself that not knowing what 'Chorizo' was, could be construed as naive. Equally however, if you don't eat something why would you know what it is...opposite to that, if you don't eat something then maybe you should know all possible combinations of that thing so as to actively avoid it...shit I'm on a winning losing streak with this one.
Anyway, whilst this mental tennis was talking place, the waitress tentatively waited for what I would say next. I simply asked her to take it back as I didn't want it, she did the usual "Whats wrong with it sir, can I get you something different?" but by this time my desire to eat had wained so badly that even the thought of chewing upset me. I simply watched my dining partner chomp away and waited to order a dessert (apple crumble with Ice Cream NOT Custard).
The scary thing is this 'Pork pollution' has also breached religions lines. There was a report in the UK about major suppliers of Halal chicken, who were inadvertently selling chicken meat that contained a protein supplement that also contained both pork and beef DNA! You may ask "why would you need a protein supplement for chicken meat?" I know I did and the answer left me a little disheartened.
The outfit that supply the chicken meat to the suppliers who then supply the restaurants, pump the chicken with water to increase its weight and thus profit. The best way to have the chicken retain this water is to also pump it full of protein, the proteins come in a number of chemical compounds some of which are vegetable based. However pork and beef based compounds are the cheapest... so no more guessing why they do it...?
This just leaves me asking "Why?"
Watch this and make your own mind up:
I think its worth a rant...
Ok...so I don't eat pork (I'm steadily noticing every single post is starting with "Ok...so"...i'm just sayin') if people want to 'dine on the swine' I have not one issue with it...really I don't. Dine to your delight, fill your chuffers with the split huffed meat, it bothers me none, thats your choice.
Therein lies the bloody problem though, pork as an ingredient is becoming less and less of a choice and more and more of a default option. "Pork with your cream crackers sir".
Gone are the days when you actually have to specifically ask for pork, now you get it in sweets, other meats, in preservatives...in dam near everything.
I once ordered a Tuna steak, the description on the menu tantilised my palette and opened up my appetite almost immediately. It came, looking absolutely scrumptious...upon closer inspection, the Tuna steak was garnished with some diced cubes lightly fried and very pink! No surprises then that I didn't eat it, but I did naively question the waitress
Me: "Erm excuse me, what are these pink cubes so liberally scattered all over this plate?"
Waitress: "That is the 'Chorizo' sir"
Me: "I'm sorry what is Chorizo by its nature I'm not familiar with it, is it a herb or a meat"
Waitress: "Its Pork sir"
Now initially I wanted to flip out and ask the most sensible question (to me) which was 'Why the hell would you garnish a Tuna steak with PORK!', but then some very quick mental arithmetic saw me admit to myself that not knowing what 'Chorizo' was, could be construed as naive. Equally however, if you don't eat something why would you know what it is...opposite to that, if you don't eat something then maybe you should know all possible combinations of that thing so as to actively avoid it...shit I'm on a winning losing streak with this one.
Anyway, whilst this mental tennis was talking place, the waitress tentatively waited for what I would say next. I simply asked her to take it back as I didn't want it, she did the usual "Whats wrong with it sir, can I get you something different?" but by this time my desire to eat had wained so badly that even the thought of chewing upset me. I simply watched my dining partner chomp away and waited to order a dessert (apple crumble with Ice Cream NOT Custard).
The scary thing is this 'Pork pollution' has also breached religions lines. There was a report in the UK about major suppliers of Halal chicken, who were inadvertently selling chicken meat that contained a protein supplement that also contained both pork and beef DNA! You may ask "why would you need a protein supplement for chicken meat?" I know I did and the answer left me a little disheartened.
The outfit that supply the chicken meat to the suppliers who then supply the restaurants, pump the chicken with water to increase its weight and thus profit. The best way to have the chicken retain this water is to also pump it full of protein, the proteins come in a number of chemical compounds some of which are vegetable based. However pork and beef based compounds are the cheapest... so no more guessing why they do it...?
This just leaves me asking "Why?"
Watch this and make your own mind up:
I think its worth a rant...
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