iRant: Personal Hygiene is not really 'Personal'

I have to be majorly careful not to just get into a real rage over this and just start aimlessly ranting for ranting sake. Actually...what are rants for, why shouldn't I just go off on one...? ...OK here it goes:

If I've been lucky enough to have you follow the blog (despite the hiatus) then I would like to hope you've read some of my previous posts and can appreciate my love of the English language and all its complexities. It is this love of the language that has lead me to this next rant, well that and the seemingly ignorant nature of some peoples hygienic routines.

Before I put my bread nife into the subject (The spelling of 'nife' is deliberate, go here, then you'll understand) I have to be completely clear about what I consider hygiene to be:

1. Have a bath/shower (the most basic of hygienic principles)
2. Brush your teeth
3. Wash your face
4. Wash your hands before and after toilet use
5. Rid your nose of mucus or bogey build up
6. Make sure your ear wax, stays in your ears!
7. Wash your hair at least twice a month (this is a bare minimum)

As you can see from the short list, I don't consider this subject to be overly complex and so the 7 simple steps above should see you well.

I wish that was the 'full stop' of this rant, alas...I have to go on.

I find it unacceptable to share any public space with people who have their own hygiene as a low priority. Unfortunately, the people of whom I speak have a very good point of argument on their side, in that...its call 'Personal Hygiene'.

Let us break down this terminology, to its finest ingredients ofcourse.

Personal = "Concerning or affecting a particular person or his or her private life and personality", "particular to a given individual" or "intimately concerning a person's body or physical being"

Hygiene = "a condition promoting sanitary practices" or "the science concerned with the prevention of illness and maintenance of health"

Now the two definitions above have been pulled from the technological reinstatement of God = Google. Fortunately I tend to agree with all the definitions issued, the problem with this as I previously stated is it works in favour of the un-hygienic offenders. Now don't for a moment misunderstand me, I'm not particularly speaking about people who smell like Saturday night on a Monday morning commute, or individuals that have clearly worn the same t-shirt without washing it for over a week...I am speaking about the concept of 'Personal Hygiene'.

By definition (see above) it is nobodies business if you choose, for whatever reason, to not respect or abide by the 7 regions of hygiene I outlined above. Again this is what is wrong with language, because by the simple contents of its nature, personal hygiene is personal, you can't argue with that one bit, but its a shame that it can majorly affect someone else's life.

Now common sense suggests as soon as something that is personal begins to affect other parties, it becomes less personal and more public, especially in the public domain. I say that, but I also recently heard there isn't anything 'common' about common sense ... go figure.

So I guess it is inevitable that you or I, will be on the train or bus or tube and be subject to pungent, gut wrenching stank (Stank is used to describe a smell that is so bad today, that it qualifies as a past tense).

Despite my rant, there are genuine cases where a person's natural body odor is particularly...erm..'Strong', apparently its a science and so naturally Simple Simon did some research.

Causes of 'strong' body odor:

1. Diet! - Yep believe it or not spicy foods have been attributed to bad body odor. An excess of Coffee, Garlic, Cheese and spices can cause your natural odor to be, what some would describe as ...'sharp'.

2. Dirty clothes - No brainer really, if you got steamy in the t-shirt yesterday and todays hot and your wearing said t-shirt you have what I like to call 'compound stank'...you smell like the worst of yesterday and the worst of today.

3. Clean clothes dirty body - Now suprisingly you can get away with this for short periods of time, BUT if the temperature rises you will be exposed.

4. Medication - Yes medication! certain anti-biotics can trigger unpleasant smell on a person.

Now outside of the above, my most interesting finding was this:

"Sweat itself is virtually odorless to humans; it is the rapid multiplication of bacteria in the presence of sweat and what they do (break sweat down into acids) that eventually causes the unpleasant smell."

That goes to say that sweat literally doesn't 'stink' (please do not mistake that for not having a smell entirely...there is a difference).

Anyhow...I'd like to let as many people that I can know, that Personal Hygiene ...really isn't personal at all...

iRant because sometimes I just need to get it off my chest!

1.3 iRant: Pork seems to be in everything

What led to this point...




Ok...so I don't eat pork (I'm steadily noticing every single post is starting with "Ok...so"...i'm just sayin') if people want to 'dine on the swine' I have not one issue with it...really I don't. Dine to your delight, fill your chuffers with the split huffed meat, it bothers me none, thats your choice.

Therein lies the bloody problem though, pork as an ingredient is becoming less and less of a choice and more and more of a default option. "Pork with your cream crackers sir".

Gone are the days when you actually have to specifically ask for pork, now you get it in sweets, other meats, in preservatives...in dam near everything.

I once ordered a Tuna steak, the description on the menu tantilised my palette and opened up my appetite almost immediately. It came, looking absolutely scrumptious...upon closer inspection, the Tuna steak was garnished with some diced cubes lightly fried and very pink! No surprises then that I didn't eat it, but I did naively question the waitress

Me: "Erm excuse me, what are these pink cubes so liberally scattered all over this plate?"


Waitress: "That is the 'Chorizo' sir"

Me: "I'm sorry what is Chorizo by its nature I'm not familiar with it, is it a herb or a meat"

Waitress: "Its Pork sir"

Now initially I wanted to flip out and ask the most sensible question (to me) which was 'Why the hell would you garnish a Tuna steak with PORK!', but then some very quick mental arithmetic saw me admit to myself that not knowing what 'Chorizo' was, could be construed as naive. Equally however, if you don't eat something why would you know what it is...opposite to that, if you don't eat something then maybe you should know all possible combinations of that thing so as to actively avoid it...shit I'm on a winning losing streak with this one.

Anyway, whilst this mental tennis was talking place, the waitress tentatively waited for what I would say next. I simply asked her to take it back as I didn't want it, she did the usual "Whats wrong with it sir, can I get you something different?" but by this time my desire to eat had wained so badly that even the thought of chewing upset me. I simply watched my dining partner chomp away and waited to order a dessert (apple crumble with Ice Cream NOT Custard).

The scary thing is this 'Pork pollution' has also breached religions lines. There was a report in the UK about major suppliers of Halal chicken, who were inadvertently selling chicken meat that contained a protein supplement that also contained both pork and beef DNA! You may ask "why would you need a protein supplement for chicken meat?" I know I did and the answer left me a little disheartened.

The outfit that supply the chicken meat to the suppliers who then supply the restaurants, pump the chicken with water to increase its weight and thus profit. The best way to have the chicken retain this water is to also pump it full of protein, the proteins come in a number of chemical compounds some of which are vegetable based. However pork and beef based compounds are the cheapest... so no more guessing why they do it...?

This just leaves me asking "Why?"

Watch this and make your own mind up:




I think its worth a rant...