iRant: Stupid annoying adverts!

I'll be the first to tell you that I'm not the brightest spark in the box. In fact I love to put that across before I'm misunderstood. Due to my knowledge of this fact, I like to take my time to think about things. I can't stand to be rushed to come to a quick conclusion because, like taking your car to the car wash, it never really gets as clean as if you took your time and slowly went over each detail yourself.

So some people will have an opinion out immediately to catch the 'wave', whilst I'll come in like the tortoise.

Which then leads to this rant...

I never studied Marketing or Advertising as stand alone subjects at university, nor have I taken particular interest in them since. I used to put it down to necessity. Its never been beneficial for me to be proficient in either study, although I do appreciate that knowledge, no matter how under used, is not useless.

I know Marketing and Advertising are different subjects, but I consider the underlying principles to be the same, or at least remarkably similar. That principle is isolating a target audience and inveigling them into buying 'something'.

I've specifically used the word inveigle with regard to this subject, because I'm of the opinion that the moment 'something' has to be advertised it is beyond necessity. As part of our natural survival technique there are 'needed' things that we have no choice but to seek if we wish to survive/live, with that said everything else is advertising.

So now that we've established that marketing and advertising in fundamental real life terms are superfluous, lets take a look into the technique and examples of how these two methods of creating awareness are utilised.

Marketing is the process used to determine what products or services may be of interest to customers, and the strategy to use in sales, communications and business development.[1] It generates the strategy that underlies sales techniques, business communication, and business developments.[1] It is an integrated process through which companies build strong customer relationships and create value for their customers and for themselves.

In short, that basically means "Let's find inventive ways to raise awareness about the 'something' we wish to push this season"

Advertising is a form of communication used to persuade an audience (viewers, readers or listeners) to take some action with respect to products, ideas, or services. Most commonly, the desired result is to drive consumer behavior with respect to a commercial offering, although political and ideological advertising is also common.

So again, that basically means "Let's raise awareness about the 'something' we wish to push this season"

So now we've gotten over the drug dealer parallels...O_o

Let's get to the adverts themselves, I do not for a moment buy into the idea that 'Sex sells'.
Now before you start rolling your eyes, I'm a member of the target audience that is supposed to be most susceptible to this 'Sex sells' idea and mantra and I'm telling you right now, that a semi-clad or naked woman won't make me anymore likely to buy, or want to buy a product. In fact I'll go as far as to say that, said women in advertising campaigns actually draw your attention away from the product.

Let me give you an example: -




Now in this video, I saw, women, rubbing themselves provocatively, bending over and removing their bra's to expose breasts (that I didn't get to see) to the world. I have no idea what was on sale, because I was waaaay to busy hoping I'd see a nipple or areola. This advert thus becomes self defeating...

As if that wasn't bad enough, take a look at this: -




Now, allow me to be COMPLETELY honest with you, this advert, just made me want to copulate with my significant other. I think there were about 4 different women in this advert, but I can only be sure of seeing one....she was wet and showing me how pleasured she was for being wet...
Now this time around, I think it had something to do with a hair care product, possibly a shampoo, but that is purely because of the soap suds. Aside from that, it just made me want to have sex...notice how I have absolutely NO desire to buy anything?

The idea that 'Sex sells' is a complete FAIL!


Let us move away from lustful endeavors and consider the idea that comedy can sell a product, surely if an advert is funny and has a catchy song attached people will automatically want to buy the product being sold right?



I'm sorry but WHO APPROVES these adverts?!??!
The tirade of "We buy any car" ads with their stupid dance routines and tacky, crappy music annoyed me beyond rational reason.

I literally had waves of violence flow over me, EVERYTIME I heard this excrement I just wanted to dropkick my TV. Seriously who comes up with this stuff?

And just when I didn't think it was possible for there to be a worst advert: -



Somebody pray for me.

People have no desire to buy insurance off its own merit, what made the advertising agency think this song and dance, would in any way, make it more attractive?


The interesting thing that I note about this trend of stupid and annoying adverts, is they all seem to have popped up around the same era. I'm not suggesting stupid adverts didn't exist before cos they did, but 'in the old days' adverts seemed to meet purpose, get the message across and invariably encourage you to buy the product.

Example: -



There is absolutely no doubt what was on sale here, but the song was fun/silly and this is/was an enjoyable advert...I want to drink R-Whites Lemonade this very moment based on watching this ad! I even named the product in full! No sex, but I WANT the product.




Another stupid advert, but for some reason I wanted to buy a can of Tango to see if an orange man would even dare to try it...so I could kic....erm

Look I don't know what I'm trying to say in full here, but I do sense in all our gains in technology and sophistication we've lost site of 'something'.

Creativity in certain areas has become a numb reproduction process, where inaccurate replicas are made in honour of greatness but don't do the originals any real justice, example: -



vs



I'm sorry but, even when a formula for a great ad has been copied, the result is still not as compelling as the original...*sigh* I really don't know what to say....

In truth, I dislike adverts, but if they are a bug that one has to bare, please please PLEASE TV people, make them concise, enjoyable, original and relative.

Thank you please about it...

iRant because this has been getting on my nerves for a while!

iRant: It should have been different..pt2

The purpose of this 'iRantiMoan' blog, was to provide a means by which I could vent my grievances about things in the world that irk me. I trust most may come to that conclusion based on the name of this blog, or upon reading the intro or something...right?

I guess that is what makes this next posting kinda strange... its less of a 'rant' and more of an observation.

Right, firstly let me apologise to YOU the reader, I'm gathering if you live in the UK and haven't been in a coma or some crazy drug induced stoop-er for the last 2 months, you'd have heard about the 'London riots/uprising/looting/criminality'. Unfortunately for YOU, this 'observation' is about that I'm afraid (though I do suspect it'll turn into a rant too).

So...amidst all this media frenzy, political spin, purposeful mis-information, racial profiling, shifting and appointing of blame and selective degrees of repair action by demographic. I came to notice a few patterns, these patterns were both active and passive, but more than anything 'interesting'.

I guess the easiest way for me the break down these observations will be for me to isolate and catergorise the active members of the action of the last few days. I will do so as follows:

Destruction and theft squad

Rioters - Individuals that threw projectiles towards authority figures, kicked in shop fronts and set fire to things.

Looters - Individuals that only destroyed businesses they had the intention of 'destocking'

Opportunists - Individuals that were neither 'Rioters' nor 'Looters' but just so happened to be walking by 30mins after all the 'action' had moved to another area and felt it harmless to relieve establishments of some stock. (I know what you are thinking, but I see a slight difference between them and the 'Looters'.)

The Media

The reporters - Mainly news reporters, the ones who were supposed to be impartially handing out the facts as they unfold.

The Specialists/Experts - Individuals who are consultants to governments on civil unrest, hostage negotiations, psychology and policing.

To your surprise I'm going to leave the politicians out of this, not because they aren't involved, but more because I really don't think they have done or said anything that wasn't expected.

Observing the roles:

Rioters; if we were to look at the assembly of these people and liken them to that of an army formation, the rioters would be considered the 'front line'.
These are the soldiers sent in to:
a) catch the enemy by surprise,
b) assess the ability of the enemy,
c) soften up the enemy defences.

Due to the strategic lack of action from the police, part c) wasn't ever really required. a) definitely worked and b)was deduced as the 'enemy' (this case the authorities from a rioters view point) didn't really retaliate and so by default they displayed no ability or action or....you know what I mean.

I guess, the most interesting thing about the action of the 'Rioters' was the damaging and destroying of their own local neighbourhood.

Now, everybody has their view on this and most agree that it makes little or no sense...I too went down this road initially, then found solace in the fact that I consider wearing your jeans low enough to display your underwear as a nonsensical act, but its been widely accepted as 'fashion'. With that being said, sense and logic have little opportunity to reign on this part of the subject.

I too know frustration, all types, for a number of reasons. I too, feel frustrated about the way the country is run and the distribution of wealth among the population and all that fine jazz, but to torch your own neighbourhood, your neighbours who are not necessarily doing any better than you are, i̶s̶ ̶f̶o̶o̶l̶h̶a̶r̶d̶y̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶..... no in fact its fucking crazy, let me be honest!

Although that is on the surface...if for example, you smashed up your own neighbourhood in a fit of rage and frustration, but then proceeded to neighbourhoods that didn't resemble your own economically, that is a different scenario altogether. (Simple Simon does NOT condone Rioting, rioters, or destruction of private property).

Last thing on the rioters, I don't think the burning of private properties (houses) was intentional, I think that was a matter of poor thinking, as most of the residences affected were above retail establishments.

The Looters; back to army strategy...these individuals represent a 'disabling' force, normally used to survey the ground that the 'frontline' (rioters) have gained and remove all usable supplies...in this case retail stock. Now the looters didn't necessarily cause as much damage as the rioters in terms of destruction, but they did however, in terms of collateral damage...Nike anyone?

Saying "Nike", does bring me on to my observation about the looters, they seemed to hit the same shops in each and every town (JD, Comet, Currys, Pc World, Argos, Santander, HSBC). I believe a news reporter raised this question and was quickly hushed with the notion that it was 'kids, displaying a demand for what kids desire, fashion and technology'. Now off the cuff, that explanation satisfied my brain for a moment or two, but then I couldn't understand why these same 'kids' were also smashing up HSBC's and Santanders but NOT trying to steal any money out of them?

With noticing the pattern of stores that were 'hit' I decided to try and find out who owned these stores. I did this because the student riots a few months back, saw certain brand names being specifically targeted because they (or their business group) didn't pay corporation taxes in the UK

Upon looking, I couldn't find anything to say they didn't pay tax....so maybe it was people stealing what is popular?

Opportunists; now these unfortunate bunch could be seen as the victims of the unrest that made the best of a bad situation. These were literally people who were going about their normal way and just so happened to be passing shops that had their inventory sprawled out on the pavement and they just so happened to pick up 'something' they wanted/needed...no harm done right, insurance will cover it? That is the plight of the 'opportunist'.

Reporters; I'm disappointed with these individuals with regards to their reporting of the whole event. Sometimes I'm naive, naive enough to believe that reporters actually report things impartially, unbiased and without an agenda, but in reality the news reporter is just a pawn in a corporation and so the similarities between their reports shouldn't have been surprising...

In typical media fashion, each crisis is somehow homogeneously linked with a 'new' term/catch phrase. Of course there really isn't a link between the elements that are combined, but with constant strategic rhetoric a sleeping audience will soon find a synergy between the elements and so form a homogeneity. An example of this was that all too over used term 'Terrorist'.

Thanks to an unwavering constant blasting of the term 'Terrorist' in relation or conjunction with people from the middle east, the average Joe, has created a homogeneous relationship between 'Terrorism' and the population of the middle east and or Muslims in general. As I said before, there isn't anything 'homogenous' about the relationship between the two elements.

This same tactic was used with the London riots... The 'new' term used for this incident was 'Criminality'. Now, I like the English language, well I like it enough to be interested in words and their meanings, but when I heard the term 'Criminality' I really struggled to acknowledge it as a 'proper' word. It almost sounded like a construct developed purely to coin the incident occurring. After looking the word up in the book of diction, I found it to indeed be a genuine term

Criminality

1. the state of being criminal.

2. a criminal act or practice.

Use of this generic term allows the user to be able to address a group of people without getting into the specifics of 'who' those people are or what they represent. This, I feel, was of value to the media as the participants of the rioting and looting were NOT of one ethnicity. In fact they were not of one ethnicity in particular, it was truly a mixed bag of faces and genders who participated in the acts. Despite boroughs such as Harringey, Hackney and Brixton being notorious for being predominantly Afro-Caribbean in population, the pictures on the news represented all nations, a rioting 'UN' if you will.

In addition to 'criminality' there was another term banded about and that was 'Youth riots'....yet again another attempt by the media to single out a portion of the public in the process of assigning blame. The media failed here, the participants were NOT all of the same age group, in fact there were reports of parents and children looting/rioting side by side.

I guess my biggest disappointment came when Clapham Junction and Eailing came under attack. The level of shock displayed by the media, made me realise that although its not often addressed, there is a two or three tier social system at work in the UK. When the Tottenham incident broke out, reporters were shocked by the damage being done and the rate of escalation of the incident, but I got the impression the location wasn't a surprise. Now given the events that proceeded the unrest I can understand that. When Hackney broke out, the same response as Tottenham was repeated, again same in Brixton. The only time the reporters seems to be shocked about where it was happening was when news of unrest in Clapham and Eailing was made public. It was almost as if those two boroughs weren't in London, or were possibly above such events....almost as if 'people' don't live there.

All of a sudden MP's/PM's who weren't cutting short their vacations (I agree with them on that by the way) were all of a sudden cutting short their vacations with news of Clapham and Eailing being the 'new' rioting zones. It could of course have been coincidental, even if Clapham and Eailing just so happen to be Conservative strong holds....I'm just saying...


Specialists/experts; this group of intelligent people did me proud. Of all the interviews I saw with regard to the unrest, these individuals were the only ones who were broad of mind enough to see that this was not an isolated issue, subject to a few members of society. They were the only group of people that acknowledged the systemic marginalization of whole sections of society. The same individuals were smart enough to acknowledge the issues go far beyond race now...as this event cannot be seen as a race specific incident.

They also acknowledged that its not even entirely a wealth specific incident as 'Leafy Eailing' and Clapham proved.

Unsurprisingly these intelligent people didn't feature on the news too many times...not much in the way of constant repeat of their interviews either...in fact if you want to hear a professionals take on what occurred in London, you have to look on YouTube. I guess the public is supposed to remain aloof of whats really going on....?


What did I gather from the whole thing?

I thought long and hard about the events, about the causes, about the mentality of the people involved. About the events around the world that were/are similar and although I didn't come to a firm conclusion, here are my findings:

1. Lack of direction - If one were to look at the other events....in fact don't. Lets just look at this for what actually happened. Outside of the unrest in Tottenham, which was directly linked to a police murder and the physical assault of a 16yr old girl, a spectator would be hard pressed to positively identify what the riots were actually about. I'd go as far as to say, that some of the rioters themselves couldn't articulate whatever compulsion had them behaving the way they did. For me this is an issue because it means you are failing to express yourself in a fashion that others can understand. Yes we get that there is an element of frustration about you, but over what?

2. Lack of police action - Probably the most telling of the events. The police have played a very intelligent game with the handling of the riot situations. It would be extremely silly to suggest that the officers couldn't deal with the riot situation. Simply because we've just recently had the student riots, in which the police killed someone else (sorry if that came across as a dig). There are a number of anti-riot techniques that could/should have been deployed.

Contrast this lack of action with the political situation of financial cuts to the police force and you can start to see that maybe....just maybe someone is trying to force the hand of someone else. In this game of chess the public take the position of the pawns!

3. Pseudo-unity - This subject prompted a long debate amongst me my kin and in the end I had to concede that what I was terming as 'Unity' was in fact a pseudo-unity. You know the kind that allows the term 'United Kingdom' to have any relevance in the world today. I considered the inter-gang, inter-postcode 'ceasefire' to be a sign of unity and in many ways it was, but it was pointed out to me that once the rioting was over, the relationship between rival gangs would soon deteriorate back to former standing. A common enemy too mighty for one party, will see the weaker parties combine to extinguish the powerful enemy, without any fore sight and without the common enemy, there really isn't a huge need for peace or unity.

4. Impartiality is a rare necessity- Among all the 'social commentators' political correspondents and generally 'important' people...there were very few impartial opinions aired. It seems as if objectivity had become a concept for the archives. Of all the news that I watched I can count on two hands, the number of people who spoke from the point of view of what happened, leaving out all salt, pepper and additional seasonings. One person in particular was a negotiator and rioting strategy expert.

He was the only person that didn't get into colour or socioeconomic profiling, he literally just said that there is due frustration among the general population and he wasn't surprised it was happening, in fact the only thing that did surprise him was the scale of disruption, in his opinion he was expecting it to be bigger. He even eluded to the fact that it won't be the last time either.

Everybody else was too per-occupied with who was to blame. Normally that would be OK as you can then assess the causes of the problem and prevent them from happening again. Unfortunately the reason for finding who is to blame on this occasion, was so that people could be identified and then thrown in jail...cos that fixes the problem...NOT!

iRant, even when I try my hardest not to...


!!!Update!!!

This post has been written over a number of weeks [Yes its a little lazy] and this last bit has just been added.

I have respect of historians, right up until the point they make stupid generalisations like this - Dave Starkey interview

iRant: It should have been different...

[Excuse] Hey lovely people of the world, I've been on a serious hiatus....I mean a SERIOUS hiatus. This is officially my first blog of 2011, that means I didn't get the chance to wish you a 'Happy New Year' or even a 'Happy Easter'. I won't insult your intelligence by telling you some story about how busy I've been....because in truth....

OK so I have been busy, in fact I've been quite busy involved in something, but I won't go into the details of that, just know I'm not engaged and 'she' is not pregnant....not that I have a 'she' to impregnate...anyway that's, yet another story.[End of Excuse]

So...given the period and duration of my absence loads of 'things' have happened, there has been global 'freaky' weather, Earthquakes, civil uprisings, assassinations and the release of some pretty good films. Given how eventful the world has been, you'd think the thing to bring me back with a rant would be something of epic proportions, right? right? .....WRONG!

The 'thing' that has bought me back...the issue of paramount importance that has seen me grace my page again, is probably the most unlikely of issues to raise my concern, I'm even somewhat ashamed that this issue has summoned me. The truth is my simple brain is unable to see past the blatant cheek of it...I guess, you've guessed it by now?

Prince Williams WEDDING!

Yes, I know, loads of people have given their view on this subject over and over and over again! But I REALLY consider the funding of the Royal wedding to be a major piss take.

Lets take the patriotism out of the equation and look at this objectively. I'm firmly of the opinion, that a man shouldn't marry a woman unless he can afford to. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not talking anything particularly 'posh' or 'over the top' public displays of opulence, I'm just talking about the fundamental principle of the ceremony (registry office included).

Therefore I take great offense to my tax contributions being used to pay for Prince William to be wed. Not only can he afford it, he is a member of a vast financial support network that comprises mainly of blood relatives...for f@*k sake they are ROYALTY!

Sympathy

Let us suggest for a moment that Prince William didn't have the money for the wedding (we know he does, but work with me here), surely his father should be honoured to pay for his son's wedding, isn't that something a father would feel happy to do? Maybe happier if it was a daughter, but happy non-the-less, no?

OK, so for one minute let us suggest, Charles doesn't have the funds for whatever reason, there is the Queen, Williams grandmother. Now what more of a gift can a grandmother give her grandson than a paid for wedding? £80mil is a drip to the Royals and to HRH especially.

I've only mentioned the big heavy hitters here, but I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this? Given the above I find it EXTREMELY difficult to understand, overstand or justify why we the public have had to fork out for this wedding.

There are people who have no roof over their heads and could do with a little financial aid. There are people who are working and making a contribution to society but the cost of living sees them balancing the tight rope of 'staying afloat', these same people have mastered the art of working without getting to enjoy their labour.

In short there are too many people that are from all walks of society that could have done with not having to pay for this wedding....£81m would normally be a 'modest' amount of money, but in this time of 'austerity' even nationally this figure is useful....yet I saw Prince William and his bride prancing around on my TV and the TV of millions of others world wide.

Not to be totally ignorant, I heard that the 'event' of the wedding should generate around £100m (loose info don't quote me) from all the TV rights and coverage. This was part of the justification used to swindle...I mean inveigle the £81m out of the coffers in the first place, its seen as a business transaction. The premise was to spend £81m to make £19m..... now given the possibility that the rest of the world could have said "Why would I want to watch a wedding with the price of wheat being so damn high?" this 'business' move was quite risky...if the world had said that and nobody bought into the rights to air the wedding, if nobody showed interest in the wedding at all, we'd have paid £81m for nada!

What would the explanation for that outcome have been?

Summary

Prince William, I appreciate your family has been taking the micky out of the British public and all members of the British empire since 'Jesus was a boy', but if I remember rightly your mum was against it and did her best not to fall fowl of certain elitist ways...notice how the public loved her? Please do not fall shy of her grace and glory and become...(for poorer choice of words) "one of them".

Prince William, your a cool cat, just a shame you come from such a tight fisted family. On a serious note though, pay for your own stuff in the future....there is a certain dignity and pride about it... Thanks!

iRant cos surprisingly I have the appetite for it again!

iMoan: Its good to talk

Good day reader, how is the world with you? Fine I hope?
Things on my side of the bed have been ....eventful. If I'm blessed enough to have you as a regular reader, then I guess you've read tales of my redundancy, my struggle to understand 'unemployment TV' and my campaign to again find work.

I'm quite happy to announce that the end of my story is not disimilar to that of a fairy tale or a hollywood blockbuster; 'happy ever after' well at least for now.

I managed to secure a position, permanent even. I can't but give praise onto a true friend who helped out in this respect, he heard my story and was in a position to help....Its good to talk! The role does have me deviate from my career path a little, but in these times of 'austerity measures' I'm unshamefully glad to have any form of paid work....and there lies the problem.

Whilst unemployed, I experienced a rollercoaster of emotions comprising of conflicting ideologies of society and the way we as people operate in 'civilisation'. I had the opportunity to WATCH the news (there is a difference between watching the news and WATCHING the news), I had the opportunity to talk to people about how they feel in general about work and more importantly life and on the back of this mini research I've concluded that "The Matrix" (the film) is probably one of the most accurate analogies of modern life there is to find. For those who have seen the film you should understand exactly what I mean by that comment, those who haven't or have seen it but don't agree watch it (again).

I was overwhelmed at how many people view the quality of their lives purely on the basis of how much income they generate, that is both male and female. My biggest shock is how easily I too begun to think like this, but I'll sherk the responsibilty of that mindset and blame external influences.

I've learnt a little about myself in this brief jobless interlude, I've come to appreciate the extent of my own resilience, I've come to appreciate that I really have a 'never die' attitude even when its bleek and there really doesn't seem to be much in the way of options. My tolerence for bullshit has increased a fair deal, I'm generally a more rounded individual after this campaign....

So here I am, on public transport (that I hate so much) doing the daily commute like all the other cattle....I mean members of the workforce, the girl sitting two seats away is eating smokey bacon chrisps and the whole carriage smells like pork rind...I smile to myself as a week ago I didn't have a need to be on the tube because I was unemployed...

iMoan, whilst remaining thankful for all mercies...

iMoan: Finding a Job is a Job

As I sit here in my Dickens Chesterfield low back chair, donning my monocle, cigar, dickey bow and long johns. I reminisce on the old days when I was a whipper snapper, when I had no clue about the world and all its wonders......STOP! Stop right there!!!!

Hopefully the above is a line I can scribe one day in true sincerity, however, for now I have other issues, way more pressing issues.

First I must commend man for his utilisation of the concept of 'Time', by this I mean it is truly great to be able to mark one's point of birth and celebrate the occurrence on an annual basis. It is an honour to calculate the amount of time it takes to build palaces and monuments of splender. Its truly a gift to be able to calculate the amount of time it takes the Sun's rays to reach our atmosphere... there is no doubt that the concept and practical use of 'Time' is truly special. However as with all things, there is a positive and negative side to this tale...

This same concept of 'Time' that serves to highlight and keep a reign on 'happenings' does so for both positive and negative sides of all stories, take for instants the fact that I have now been unemployed for 10weeks!!!!!

Yes you read this correctly it has been 10weeks since I earned a salary!!! Now I don't really normally like to moan, but in honesty this is a moan worthy subject, I mean really it is. Don't get me wrong, I've clearly enjoyed the 'time off', it has been blessing to be able to go to bed late, knowing full well I can have a lie in and not have to come up with any excuses for some boss figure in the morning. Its been nice to have too many glasses of wine the night before knowing full and well that I won't be driving to or for work in the morning. These are aspects of unemployment that are truly priceless and ironically occur at 2 ends of the financial scale i.e. Unemployed or Debt free and financially independent.

As with my brief assessment of 'Time', there are positives and negatives to the carefree (less concerned) lifestyle. In my case stark reminders come in the form of ever diminishing bank account balances, delivered on the monthly bank statements. Suddenly paying £75 for Sky Tv and £45 mobile phone contracts seem like a lot of money. The sobering image of your diminishing finances, sees you measure the remainder not in k's, but in weeks. Specifically 'how many more weeks can I survive on what is left'. You notice you walk around turning off lights and closing dripping taps, you give great care and attention to the hot water and central heating schedule, questioning "is it really necessary to have the heating on when I'm asleep". You literally turn into the most frugal version of YOU.

Your distaste for your current and diminishing financial state serves to provide you with a great fuel of enthusiasm, grit and determination. You do not like your financial state and so distancing yourself from it in the shortest possible time turns you into an employment fiend. Your already a member of almost every on-line agency there is going, you've bribed various members of the Job centre team, into giving you the 'heads up' on certain jobs as soon as they are available (sometimes before advertising), you've got friends and family on the case.

You've re-written your CV, shit you've got two or three versions depending on the application. The Job centre told you, you need to make at least 8 applications every 2 weeks to be seen as actively looking for work, you make 8 applications before 10am nearly everyday for 2 weeks.
In most cases you get no feedback, then, you find what looks like your perfect role, you apply, you call the agent moments after sending your CV to 'discuss' your prospects with the 'expert' (there are very few experts in recruitment), you get Vmail, you leave a message, you wait....
An hour passes, you really love the look of this role, it has your name all over it and so you call back, again Vmail, you call the mobile number, again Vmail, you leave messages on both. Repeat the above for 3 days straight, then your perfect job is no longer being posted on the recruitment sites any-more....some fu&ker got it!!! You grieve for a moment, pull back on your battle armour and go at it again, apply apply apply! Then your overqualified!!!

WHAT THE FRENCH CONNECTION IS 'OVER QUALIFIED'?

–adjective
having more education, training, or experience than is required for a job or position.

That is the dictionary definition of the term, now if I have been honoured enough to have you read my rants and or moans, I think you would agree that my approach to matters is not dissimilar to my forename 'Simple'. I won't disappoint now....

If it is, that by definition 'Overqualified' means "having more education, training, or experience than is required for a job or position", wouldn't it be safe to say, that an overqualified person is more than acceptable for the job?

Now I know immediately the 'off the wall' / 'out the box' thinkers among you will automatically say "Its not whether you can do the job or not, its more about you leaving if you get a better offer". I've heard this so many times, but the question I would like to ask is this; If it is that I am the person seeking employment, I've read the job description, acknowledged the salary, placed an application and then called up to 'discuss' the role in more detail, would it not stand to reason, that I am aware I'm overqualified for the position? Could it not be that I actually want an easier life? Would I really waste my time to apply for a position, start the position and then waste more time, by sitting another interview elsewhere, to then up sticks and move? Isn't that a lot of bother? Is it not possible, that the overqualified applicant knows he's overqualified and still wants the position?

Surely from an employers point of view, having a member of staff who exceeds the experience and qualifications required is an asset? Surely it offers confidence that the role will be fulfilled to a standard above satisfactory and could even see strategic deployment of processes and procedures that will improve the roles scope and productivity of the department as a whole? All for a bargain salary....

Don't misunderstand me here, because I am fortunate to have been on both sides of the imaginary fence. I too have sat at the employers end of the table with an applicant's future in my grasp, I too have told candidates that they're overqualified BUT!! I've given due explanation. In some cases the person's CV is dumbed down to get them to interview stage, nothing wrong with that, but at the point where we start talking and it comes to light that you are an inventor, mathematician etc... I will lay the truth on you, like butter on toast.

"You have an excellent resume from what I can see here, coupled with what you have told me, I can tell you for a fact that this role will bore you senseless within 2months. It actually takes about 6months for you to have a full understanding of how this role fits in with the rest of the business, the repetitive nature of the role will see you pull your hair out way before then. With regard to this role, I would be the one training you, providing this is the case, there is nothing worst for me, than to train someone over a 6month period just to have them up sticks and leave.....meaning I'll have to do it all over again and in essence not fully fulfil my other role duties, couple this with the fact that this position has NO graduation or career path and you will literally just be collecting pay-checks, less than modest ones at that. I'm of the opinion that someone of your skill set and expertise could be doing...."

That is my speech, on the surface its harsh, but I feel I've given ample justification to why you are not getting the job and also issued direction on where better to pawn your skills. I've even spoken to the recruitment service in question on the candidates behalf (with permission of-course) and given testimony to the above effect, ultimately steering the recruiter in the best direction for the candidate. What is most satisfying is I've been thanked by both recruiters and candidates for the advice.

You see what I've understood is that the same 'Time' that I mentioned before is precious, every single second is valuable, so if it is I can take 5mins of your time now that will save you 2months of certain disappointment later, I feel duty bound to do so, with your permission of-course.

So it irks me no end when some 'new kid on the block' recruiter tells me, I'm overqualified and he won't consider me for a position because I might change my mind and take a better offer if and when it comes along....WTF.com!!!

As if the 'recruiter politics' was not enough, national politics is seeing massive cuts in virtually every facet of UK life, from benefits to jobs. Unemployment is high and set to rise and that old ratio of 50 people to every position is now more like 1000. In fact if you get a job today you should be a combination of happy and paranoid. Happy because you triumphed over 999 other candidates but paranoid because you might have been the cheapest and most gullible option; no one wants to be the office fool...

That said, my new strategy is to apply for positions I have no chance in hell of getting (on paper), sods law will have me get called up for interviews and all sorts LMFAO...

Maybe that's how so many incompetent people get into high positions...? Oi! stop looking at your line manager/supervisor/boss ;-)

iMoan because right now, it truly is my main source of entertainment...oh yeah and cos I have a point!

iMoan: Unemployment TV

My first encounter with 'unemployment Tv' occurred many years ago, back when I was in secondary school. I was the unfortunate victim of a football accident that left me 'bed bound' with a broken clavicle. 'Ouch' I hear you say, it was 'ouch' at the time, but after being patched up and then told "It will be 6 weeks before you can return to school" it was a 'Yippie Kiyay' from me! 6 weeks of being waited on, hand and foot. 6 weeks of watching the TV that I've not seen for years DAYTIME TV.

My fascination with daytime television was similar to the 'what happens when I go to bed' phenomenon that saw so many of us coming up with schemes to 'stay up late'. No matter how many times you were told that 'nothing' happens once you've gone to bed, you still had a serious desire to be up to see this 'nothing'. Equally I would be at school on occasion wondering what was on TV, what else was going on in the world, well now I have the chance to see!

Unfortunately I was disappointed back then. I dubbed daytime TV 'Unemployment TV', as back then I considered school to be my employment. My argument was, I wake up at the same time as my parents (who go to work), I spend 6 and a half hours 'at the office'. I have a number of 'managers' and the headmaster is 'the boss'....that to me was 'work'. Anyway the disappointment came about from program content... unemployment Tv was crap! Why in Jesus am I all bandaged up in front of a TV and all that's on are Antique Auctions. Where are all the good programs?!?!?!?

Fast forward to 2010 and I'm now at home again during the day, which ofcourse = 'Unemployment Tv'...so what has changed?

Well for starters antique auctions are still there, but now they are joined by Heir Hunter, Homes under the Hammer and Cash in the Attic and some other property investment programs. Now initially with that line-up, I automatically thought the programme schedule was out of kilter with the audience, I mean what does an unemployed person want with a property investment program...they don't have jobs so property investing won't be on their 'to-do' list.

It took days of contemplation before my simple brain came to a conclusion that could/would explain the daytime programme schedule. 'Unemployment Tv' was NOT especially for the unemployed! A damning realisation for me, because it leads to the notion that unemployed people are forgotten in the eyes of society. Its all good and well doing statistical reports on them and using them (us) as political tools when it suits the regime. Instead daytime Tv is aimed at the small/medium business owners who are looking to dabble in a little property investment, or mature citizens who have a few antiques they wish to have appraised.

So why isn't there any TV programmes for the unemployed? I mean, I have Sky at home, there are 1000 channels. Channels centred around almost every subject or idea you can think of. From News to Sport to Religion to Music to WildLife, conspiracy theorists have their own channel. There are porn channels, DIY channels, Radio channels, Advertising channels...there are channels for virtually everything BUT employment...

Imagine for a moment, that there was a channel dedicated soully to employment, I mean from am to am just about employment, from advice about CV's to interview techniques, advice and access to agencies/recruiters. Advice about starting up your own small/medium business, access to graduate schemes, I'm talking all the tools that are required to have an individual generate legal revenue via employment or via business means. Surely this would go a long way to combating unemployment and would give those who genuinely want to work a fighting chance of getting back on the 'money train' once falling off.

Am I the only one that sees this gap in the market?

iMoan because I have an eerie feeling that the conspiracy may in fact be a plan, maybe the government needs to maintain an unemployment tally...

iMoan: Unemployment

I'd like to start by issuing my apologies to every/anyone who looked to this site for 'updates' only to be met with the last post from July. Your forgiven for thinking the site was 'dead' and by all means 'short lived'. I have no real excuse for why there hasn't been any posts, instead I have a true statement "I refuse to rant about things I don't actually want to rant about". What I mean is, if I have no genuine feeling about the subject, I find it very difficult to rant about it. That said, I have come to a point where the truly annoying issues in my life have been discussed and I've given sincere account of my distaste and where possible, the reason behind the distaste.

*Drum roll please* - Here marks the beginning of the 'iMoan' series. You may be looking at your screen with tilted brow as you seek to justify the difference between a 'Rant' and a 'Moan'. Normally I would dig up the dictionary definition of both words then post it, in order to aid the process of highlighting the difference, however on this occasion I will just tell you what the difference is from my point of view.

If you have been reading my Rants, I hope you will agree that they are largely 'fact based opinion' (I said 'largely' not all but majority). Well my Moans, will be 'conspiracy based opinion', that is not to say that I am a conspiracy theorist but there will be many submissions that will probably have some damning implications. What will be evidently clear, is the lack of links/charts/diagrams giving statistical basis to the Moan.

Right those are the formalities out the way!

I am UNEMPLOYED! Yes....JOBLESS!
It is such an un-alluring status, I'm not sure if that is because it actually is, or if we have been taught to appreciate it as so. All I know for sure is, the declaration "I'm currently unemployed" sounds like an excuse, even when its a genuine circumstance and believe me, I'm not happy that I think/feel this way. I'm not happy for a number of reasons but the one that is most prominent is that fact that I'm not entirely sure the reason is one I've come to appreciate for myself or come to accept from society....

What I mean is, when you tell someone "I'm unemployed", I sincerely believe that a majority of people will consider it an excuse and as such consider you a 'fibber'. Now I'm in the situation, I know its not necessarily the case that you are making excuses for being "unemployed"....there are genuine circumstances that could proceed the status.

Circumstances like being made 'Redundant'. Now, at this particular moment in time, I feel incline to inform you that the reason for this post/post series, purely originates from the word 'Redundant'. I mean what in Jesus is someone supposed to take from being made 'Redundant'?

Now if you are looking at the screen, puzzled and wondering what has got my goat this day, I would urge you to take a quick peek at the dictionary definition 'Redundant'....don't worry, no need to go search for it here it is:

Redundant - deprived of one's job because it is no longer necessary for efficient operation: he has been made redundant

(Now before you jump to arms at the fact that I've only quoted one reference for the term, I urge you to asses the others listed and then consider whether they are suitable or indeed in context of an employment situation....?).

Call me sensitive, but depending on the way this sentiment is sold to you, is dependent on how

a) you feel about it
b) you feel about the company
c) you feel about yourself

Example:

If you are called into an office and told: "We have identified the possibility that you may be made redundant" please take heed and note that either the company, or the person who is delivering the news does not like you

If however you are called into a office and told "We have identified the possibility that your position may be made redundant" Chances are there is a genuine need for the business change or the company/message deliverer doesn't like.

As you can see from my two examples, the difference is two words. These two words dramatically change the impact and meaning of the message. That is a matter of English and is common in the language, what is damning however is the term 'Redundant'. In employment terms it means the above, but as a general term it means

surplus to requirements; unnecessary or superfluous

On their own these words are completely harmless, put in context however and it would seem your employer (soon to be ex) is suggesting, there are either to many people committing your role, or you are in fact no longer required.

These are both concepts that directly contradict your early doctrine. Now I say this based on the assumption that in your early years, you had loved ones and these loved ones in their infinite (inherited) wisdom, would make declarations on to you:

"You are special, don't let anybody tell you different, no matter what people say you are special, unique, irreplaceable"


"The world is your oyster"

"Anything you work hard for and give your best effort, you will achieve

"What's wrong those statements"..would be my guess at what your thinking. You will be happy to know that I don't consider anything to be 'wrong' with either statement.

Your parent, carer or loved one did make a mistake with the above statements though, the mistake has little to do with the words or the underlying sentiment. Your loved one's forgot to tell you that you are all those things in their eyes, not necessarily anybody else's...

So multiply all the comments by a few years and ingrain it in your mentality, then fast forward to being told your being made 'Redundant'....see the conflict? Now although your love one will hold an irreplaceable point of importance in your life, somewhere subconsciously you've cemented the image of your 'employer' to be of greater importance on matters of your career progress. As your employment is responsible for keeping that roof over your head and that food on your table, the weaker mind would start to believe that they are indeed 'Redundant'.

Now I'd admit on a single ocassion my 'theory' (if it can be called that) would seem extreme, but if one was to be made 'Redundant' from their last 3 or 4 jobs, it could be a different story....

With a language so eloquent, so well equipped for all scenarios and situations, telling someone they are 'Redundant' seems archaic. I mean there must be at least 100 other ways you could pass the message on without using a word, that is associated with other themes, which in turn are associated with the ideas of surplus or 'waste'.

iMoan because I am not Redundant, I've merely outgrown your limited role...